is there an understanding of depression…

People say to me and think depression is sadness. People think depression is crying all the time. People think depression is dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. Being numb to emotions, being numb to life. Constanly worrying over small things that dont matter. Constanly trying to get on top of it. Sometimes you wake up in the morning just to go back to bed as you find it hard to face the day.

Thats the thing about haven depression. A human being can surive almost anything, as long as we can see the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it feels it’s imposible to ever see the end.

I’m not using this as an excuse. Trust me id give anything to function normally on day to day basis, but it’s something that I work with all the time just depends on the day. I find it harder when the problems and situations seem to grow bigger, for me now it’s financed and trying to find work with the situation the way I’m moving at the moment is not one that invites the manager to employ me. I found and understand, one of the most important things that you could and do realize is that you are not alone. The question you ask yourself continually is why am I depressed there is no straightforward response to a bad situation it can be just like the weather good one day, reasonable the next completely fucked and all over the next.

Every man has his secret sorrows which people know what, like most men, it’s something you try to keep to yourself and like most men, I never show it in front of people keep it bottled up and to myself. For me, I try to show that everything is ok and I’m doing ok, but also people have their own problems they don’t want mine. A lot of men find it hard to talk about is a sign of weakness or no capability in life or dysfunctional but it does help to talk about it if you can, just one small conversation can help, and that could be about football or anything to get your mind in another direction of thinking.

No one wishes to have dark days, sleepless nights, grumpy mornings and this endless dark tunnel with no sign that it ever ends. Depression is not a Choice.

The thing is to try not to feel you are an alien or shouldn’t be in society because you are in a dark space and that feeling can be so lonely at times. It’s harder to say because you have to try and focus on good things and when they do happen except them as they happen for a reason, like for me today to catch up with a mate I haven’t seen for a while made me feel good knowing he is there to chat to, it was simple he came in and had a coffee with me., and my granddaughter is on my bed laughing and moving to the wiggles, as much as I’m sick of the wiggles it puts a smile on my face to see such a small thing can make my little granddaughter so happy.

It’s easier said than done and do it in small steps with fighting it, don’t try to cure it in one hit, ride with most days by getting into routines keep yourself active with small projects, take the dog for a walk, a bit gardening, have a coffee with a friend, don’t have to let it all out, try to have a laugh and followed with a smile, for me I keep looking ahead and believe it might not fix completely but if I can improve my day bit by bit, and smile when approached it’s a start in life to improve me as a person.

#Way Of Life…

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