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Where, Where Have Ya Been..

Its been 3 weeks since i have wrote a blog or even thought in doing so of sitting down putting fingers to keys… The Question i ask is why Lol I ask myself why… Simple head is not in the right place still a bit over the joint but... Fuck I call my self Life At 62.. And thats what i’m about on talking what life is like with the up’s & downs, triumph’s, achivements, made goals you have set with so much more to life family, friends, love another story Lol.. How you and i see the world what happens with in the world life has so much to offer or take away.. but we all live it and we all go through different stages in living our lives.

I finished my last job over three weeks ago as project finished and that means i’m finished Lol that’s how it works. Now since then i have deteriorated in health in some ways, were i’m struggling to walk, sit,drive or even sleep and that is from the hip to the knee on the right side.. I have been for two injections into the middle and lower of the back No Good.. The pain is pretty intense i have to admit and i usually handle pain pretty good.. I have been booked into a back surgeon as they feel the nervous just arent moving, i also have been booked into a specialest that handles Osteoarthritis, Osteochondroma which is a Bone Tumour that the doc believes it has grown.

There’s allways something good coming. remember that.

As the doctor described..There are Degenaractive changes developing in the spine and hips,an Ossified Mass in the righ Obturator foramen is suspicious for a Chondroid serious tumour requiring futher investigation. That makes me excited Fuck Yea..He all so details that im Obesity ans suffering heavy Depression, well i defiantly know that, nothing worse when your in the shower and your little mate has full cover & shade Lol and yes i’m in a very dark place at the moment, i don;t want to get out of bed knowing i’m going to struggle all day walking, sitting and driving.

The thing that is really hard to except that i have had several positions offered to me but cant do it as i can not go and do the medical and physical i mean i’m going to be walking in as i have a carrot shoved up my butt and can not do a squat, lift the right leg, even sitting so sure no worries Paul start tomorrow Lol..that is getting to me i need money to pay bills and too even just live simple, for the first ime in 62 years i’m saying i can’t sorry turning the job down before i go through the progress, i did go to one but as i walked in the surgery the doctor was their to greet me with are you ok sir i politely said No and turned around wobbling out the door feeling really dejected just in myself.

The Bone Tumour is growing how fast not sure.

Faith it does not make things _ easy it make them possible.

I was speaking to my son today and i broke down as i’m not feeling sorry for my self but just feel really hopeless with the kids around the house and just kowing that i can’t go for a job at the moment now we all know as ya get older that scrap pile gets higher.. Now the thing is up intill three weeks ago things were going ok i had consistent work putting money in the bank and paying bills, well that’s all gone as i have to pay for these test which i cant run through my health insurance as it does not cover it, i mean you pay $150.00 a month and it cover fuck all really lol so the funds have gone.. so now i’m going into my Super to get me through the next few months i need to have a letter from the doc and specialest to say why i can’t work to claim My Money not mums or the kids but my money that i have worked all my life for, now we wonder why people go crazy is it because of all the red tape and political bullshit we have to through in life.

Now i understand my depresion and know why i have it, it’s the dark places you go with it i dont understand i feel it’s the loneliness that’s not helping as in no one to talk about it with the soultions that could help you out and when you feel down and no which way to turn does make it harder and like it or not the problem gets bigger, as for me i dont go into the specialest untill the 18th of this month followed with more test and then the soultion to fixing it. I have a wait so i find a bit hard now we all know Rome was not built in a day but you still wish problems could be solved in a day lol.

When things change inside you, things change around you.

The kids are so good they make sure i’m ok and are there for me but to me it should be the other way i should be there for them and helping them out, i can’t except that well i have to but finding it hard too except it, as they have a lot on their plates and the mother is not too good with her health either she is going in for a major operation this Thursday but as she saids she finds a bit easier as her partner is with her and very supportive and im so glad as i look at it we had 20 great years and have two great kids followed by two beautiful grandkids and id like to see Maree have a good life with good health.

Id like to say yes i seem i’m pretty morbid and down which i would be lying in saying that i’m not but i’m trying hard to bounce back and on wards it’s the mentality or mental approach that i’m finding hard but working really hard with it and i have the postive with it’s going to get better not worse just be patient and keep try to go forward with every thing.

The groundwork for all happiness is good health.


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